


All Alone

by Lamb200345567



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, In my opinion theres not enough Brian Angst, its basically all brian angst, oh also all the mechs are Cisn't & Neurodivergent no you cant change my mind, with TS cheering him up at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26203924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamb200345567/pseuds/Lamb200345567
Summary: Logically, Brian knew he wasn’t alone in the pilots' seat. Did that stop his mechanical brain from thinking about it while staring into the depths of space? No. Not at all. Thanks brain.(brian angst brain angst)
Relationships: Drumbot Brian & The Toy Soldier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	All Alone

**Author's Note:**

> 'If there isnt any Brian Angst at the store, Homegrown is fine' - me making this fic   
> 🐗
> 
> TW: disassociation? ig? and like kinda detailed on how he first died? also he does berate himself quite a bit in this fic so that too

Logically, Brian knew he wasn’t alone in the pilots' seat. Did that stop his mechanical brain from thinking about it while staring into the depths of space? No. Not at all. Thanks brain. 

He knew that the Aurora was with him and the spiders he supposed, but… there was no one else. Not here. Never here in his pilots’ seat, he guesses that’s what makes him lonely, that, and the fact that he’s just. Well, Aurora can And does pilot herself so usually he’s just stuck here, useless. _Alone._ _**Dying.** ___

__No. He’s not alone. Aurora never keeps the lights too dim or makes too little sounds; he is not out there. Not alone and not dying. He can’t do that anymore._ _

__Then why can’t he move? Why can’t he stop staring out into space like it’s the only thing left? Why can’t he hear anything? Why can’t he feel anything? Why can’t he see anything but stars right now?_ _

__Why does he feel so alone and lost?_ _

__Logically he knows all of these things; he can’t move right now because he is definitely panicking and when he panics he goes as still as a rock, he was staring into space before he spiralled and so he remained doing so, he can’t hear anything because Aurora is busy directing Nastya to the very specific repair that needed to be done as something broke that affected everyone’s shower temperatures, only making them freezing cold which made everyone unhappy and thus required Auroras full attention because it was very small and she didn’t want Nastya hurt. He knows because she gave him warning that it would go silent sometime today, he can’t feel anything because his body is nothing but metal and thus all sensations are dulled, and he can’t see anything but stars because he’s not looking for anything but stars._ _

__Logically he knows all this. His heart is however conspiring against this. His one human thing is still beating too fast for the mechanical bits to slow down and get a grip._ _

__He needs to move. He can’t stay in this state here. He needs to move, to get out of this stupid seat, to find someone, literally anyone else _ ~~is there anyone else?~~_ He wants to move to go elsewhere where there’s noise and people and distractions. He is not. He is stuck, w h y is he stuck, he can move, he can leave, he can get out the chair, he doesn’t need to check how long life support will keep him floating alone _~~(18 minutes and 6 seconds last time he checked, before he stopped. Before he fully froze, before he stopped being him, stopped being alive before he was nothing but a heart encased in metal)~~_ , he is not alone. _He isn’t.__ _

__He can’t be alone. Not like this. ** _ ~~Not again.~~_**_ _

__It’s cold. Too cold for where he is. He should get up, get himself some water, calm himself down. He can’t, his legs are frozen in place. He can’t even turn his head anymore. Everything. Hurts. Every piece of his body is screaming from the cold, so loud that if he didn't know better he might mistake it for warmth. And with the alarms having stopped blaring nothing has replaced it, making it all the more obvious that everything hurts. It’s all silent. Everything. There’s nothing but cold, lonely silence. There’s no lights on anymore either. Last time he looked out the corner of his cold tear-stained eyes (he long gave up on trying to wipe them away, on even moving his arms to do that, they were too cold.) it said 18 minutes and 6 seconds. He doesn’t want to die alone. He’s stuck in a cold hunk of metal that’s too dark and too silent and knowing instinctively that there’s nothing near him no life at all, he can’t even see any close stars to see move and flicker with some sign of life, there are just tiny specks of stars that might have life in the distance or they could and probably are all dead and gone. truly alone. He’s going to die without ever seeing a living thing again.  
 ** ~~And he did.~~**_ _

__.  
.  
._ _

__“Clang Clang!”  
“Come On Old Chap! You’ve Missing Out On Tea Time!!! And You Never Miss Out On Tea Time So I Thought I’d Check Up On You!!!”  
The Toy Soldier cheered whilst doing a knocking notion with its hand. _ _

__Ah. The Toy Soldier. not alone. Not on that ship. In the Aurora. It’s warm and there’s the Toy Soldier.  
Still not moving apparently, Great. Can’t move his metal legs or metal arms but he can try and plead with TS using his metal eyes, God this is pathetic Brian. Can’t even get up to go to Tea Time for fucks sake. _ _

__“Old Chap?” It asks quizzically, still haven’t responded Brian, fantastic. Can he even speak right now?  
He goes to open his mouth, to speak, but the most he could get was the slightest unclenching of his jaw, great going. The only help you’re gonna get and you can’t even say anything. The most he can bring himself to do is to stare, with what pleading eyes he can manage, at TS hoping that it somehow helps him but he’s unsure if it’ll take that or… or decide to leave him alone.   
He doesn’t want to be alone. Again._ _

__“Up You Get! You Look Jolly Unwell Old Chap!” The Toy Soldier stated, then taking it upon itself to pick him up from under his shoulders, much like a stray octokitten if octokittens were metal and couldn’t move or talk right now. How it could do this as he was made of metal and thus quite Heavy to put it lightly is unknown to him.  
It’s not actually an unpleasant experience though and he hasn’t been held like this………… ever? Maybe before everything?   
He’d tentatively guess since he was a child but he literally cannot remember so who knows not himself that’s for sure!! _ _

__TS then promptly plops him down before propping him up again because he hasn’t moved in… However long it was. _ ~~How long was he stuck like that?~~_  
And because once he got plopped back down he almost crumpled (he actually did but TS Caught Him Like The Good Friend It Is) he’d say he feels dizzy or disoriented but he’d be lying - what setting is he even on? Isn’t that strange, he doesn’t know where he is morally, he can't remember, god that’s pathetic. so is having to be stood up by your friend, he supposes but that’s less pathetic somehow. _~~He should know where he is himself.~~_ At least with the standing up it's just because he can’t get himself to work. Not knowing his setting is… more upsetting, _worse.__ _

__God get a grip Brian. You’re upright and standing. Your heart's beating. The Toy Soldier is right in front of you, he thinks it’s talking to him with the way it’s mouth is moving but he can’t make them out everything muffled and out of focus. Ah. Apparently it’s going to lead him somewhere as it just took his hand and is dragging him behind it, huh, so he does know how to walk again. Why he can’t do it on his own volition is another question._ _

__Oh boy. Light. He would be flinching if he was still human but in this body, he’s just reminded that wow it exists. Literally not everything is as dark as the pilots' room _ ~~(did Nastya finish repairs? Why didn’t Aurora turn the lights back on? Did she just not care, it’s not like her to forget)~~_ , well with that enlightening revelation down and TS still leading him to… where was TS leading him? God this is why you pay attention when your friends are speaking Brian for fucks sake it probably told you in great detail what’s going to happen and what it's doing but Noooooo you just had to be like that. fantastic. It’s still talking, you can still listen to what it’s saying but are you going to? Probably not because you’re pathetic right now. Listen to your fucking friend Brian! It’s leading you somewhere and it’s helping you the Literal least you can do is listen come on. Fucking hell come on. Listen._ _

__“-Still Freaking Out! And Jonny Is Delighted In That Fact Old Chap!! Just Wait Until He Finds His Own Are Gone Too!!! And I Got Two New Friends Today! They’re Some Of Ivy’s Octokittens!! She hasn’t Named Them But I Like To Call One Pap Pip! So I Can Tell It Apart From Pip Pap, Which Is Its Twin!! I Think It Would Be Jolly Good And Jolly Fun To Have A Twin! Oh Tally Ho! We’re Here Now Old Chap!!”  
It then does a little flourished bow and steps aside for Brian to enter first. Well, at least some of his body is responding because he can move to get inside and see what’s there! Yay.   
“ _Oh_ , oh, TS you really didn’t have to.”   
He surprisingly finds himself softly saying at the sight of their Tea Time room being transformed from its usual set up to a collage of stolen pillows and mattresses and blankets from every crew member to create a rather impressive pillow fortress, it even put a little Trans Pride flag on it. He probably would be crying if he could, TS really didn’t have to do this._ _

__It pushes him into the fortress, moving aside one of Jonny’s quilts to do so and makes him sit on what seems to be Ashes’ favourite pillow and he realises that the inside even has their tea party ready. He kind of wishes he could cry just to show how appreciated this is because it really didn’t have to.  
“So Old Chap I Realise You’re Mostly Nonverbal At This Point But I Do Hope You Like It! I Stole Every Piece From Everyone’s Room! I Came Into The Pilots Room Earlier Old Chap, To See If We Were Still On For Tea Time! But It Seemed That You Weren’t All There, So I Left!! Then When Aurora Told Me You Needed Cheering Up Today I Knew What I Had To Do!”   
He doesn’t know what to say at that, he thankfully got himself to nod and does so to make sure it knows that he really does love what it’s done with the place. Starting Tea Time the traditional way TS pours it’s homemade Teethy tea and sits down. And while he’s taking one of the pastries from the three-tiered display he also notices that they’re not TS’ normal brand of Teethy Macaroons or Teethy Cookies But Marius’ Fairy Bread and Cupcakes.   
“Did you get Marius to help?” Surprising himself that his mouth is actually talking, yay for minimal movement.  
“Yep Old Chap! He Was Jolly Happy To Help! After I Shot A Finger Off!”   
“Thank you TS. Truly this is. This is fantastic. I love it.”   
“Well It’s What You Deserve After Three Days In Your State! Only Happy, Jolly Good Things!”   
**Oh.** **Oh.** That explains… some things he supposes, like how he missed Tea Time when he thought that it was tomorrow. And how the light was apparently a newish thing for him, Aurora was probably worried sick when he wouldn’t respond and decided to keep it dim because that’s what works for Jonny and Nastya and they’re her frame of reference for most things. He’d have to ask about changing that for him… but, that’s for later. Now it’s Tea Time with the Toy Soldier, in a pillow fortification stolen from the common rooms and his crewmates rooms. _ _

__He’s still a bit sad and feeling a bit cold (dulled but still there), still but at least he’s not fully alone now, he’s not cast out and dying (not that he can do that anymore). He has friends who care about him and the fact of this makes his heart go a bit faster but in a good, nice way this time.  
And if, after said Tea Time he hugs the Toy Soldier for a while probably longer than normal, well, no ones going to ask it about this anyway and he needs it to know how much he needed this, so overall a net positive he thinks._ _

__He’s going to be fine._ _

**Author's Note:**

> HI YES SHOUTOUT TO MY TWIN AND VALOR WHO HELPED EDIT AND WHO HELPED CREATE IT ALSO BC BRIANS STORY AND LIKE LIFE IS JUST SO LIKE SAD????? HOW IS THERE NOT MORE FICS CAPITALISING ON THIS DUDES!!!!!!! LIKE CMON LITERALLY HIS TIMELINE IS LIKE:  
> [Unknown backstory,, Mr Below bls release this soon i will die] - GETS CHUCKED INTO SPACE ALL ALONE - DIES ALONE! - GETS MECHANISED BY DR CARMILLA LOSING EVERYTHING BUT HIS HEART AND ONTOP OF THAT HAS A FUCKING MORALITY SWITCH (THATS SO FUCKED UP CMON PEOPLE) - HIJINKS! (the only non angsty part!) - FRIENDS START DYING FR - CHUCKS HIMSELF INTO SPACE ALONE! AGAIN!   
> like step up ur GAME PEOPLE i want ANGSTY BRIAN FICS TOO! 
> 
> me & my twin seeing the mechs: THIS BAND CAN FIT SO MUCH ANGST INTO THEM


End file.
